Where Ever You Go...

Right so I've taken my show on the road once again, moving from Las Vegas to Denver Colorado has been, to say the least; an experience. I've lived in quite a few places pretty much all over the world and still find myself amazed by the subtle differences in cultures from city to city, state to state and country to country. These are the things that truly fascinate me as an observer of the human condition.

My new job requires quite a bit of traveling through out the state of Colorado, my 'home base' is in a town called Brighton. The first thing that hit me about Brighton was everything was pretty much associated with English culture. The town name, street names (Bromley, Sussux etc) are all English in origin, yet the counties are named after US Presidents. Brighton is in Adams County. Yes a great deal of planning usually goes into just about every city as it is plotted to actually become a city. Guess the state planners were thinking themselves cleaver when they named this town and all of it's streets and what not. The thing that stands out is the fact that it is a good clip outside of any real established metro areas (about 40 miles north of Denver Metro)and the folks who live and work out there consider themselves to be country folk, vs being from the big city (Denver and all of it's burbs). In this case I would have to agree with them, after 7 years of looking at sand and dust in Las Vegas, seeing actual working farms, livestock and tractors on the main road was a bit of a culture shock.

Which has made for a slight dilemma on my part, I want to buy a home here in Colorado, but as I said the nature of my job keeps me moving all about the state, while my home base is considered Brighton. How long will that assignment last? No one including my boss has an answer to that. So do I roll the dice and buy out in the country, buy a lawnmower and some cattle fence; or do I stick with what I know best, urban survival; and find a spot in the city? As of now I've rented a nice townhome pretty much dead center to all of the places I need to go. So now any one with an ounce of sense would say, why not buy your home in that area. Yeah that was exactly my thought, until I started looking at homes in that area. California and Nevada had spoiled me to what a house could or should be like. Nice and new, great square footage and logical floor layouts. This is not the case in the Denver Metro area. The majority of the homes were built from the 1950's to maybe early 1980's. Damn near everyone of them is either one car garage or carport (not really good when you have two drivers and two cars in your family in a place where it tends to be cold and snowing). While the majority of them have basements (which I think is totally cool)most that bothered to finish the basement have a wonderful 1970's feel to them and appear to have been done by the 3 stooges contracting firm.
Yes there are new homes being built, I've seen some really nice ones too, but these new constructions make you pick an area in which to live (just not alot of room for new construction in Denver proper). This is where the fun begins.

As an observer of the human animal and one of the species meself, we all make judgments on things based on what we see first, vs what we either already know or can find out. Race, creed, religion, sex and all of that aside, we as humans also know when we are around our 'kind'. That may sound like it can slip into racism or even sexism but stick with me. As I mentioned in an earlier post we all know how to spot those we most closely associate our own lives with, these folks become our friends, associates and neighbors. As much as many of the counter culture groups of the world wish it upon us, we as human animals will never live in total peace and harmony. By our very nature, with no other input than a visual scan and a few moments for thought and sizing up; we can usually tell if another person is 'one of our kind'. This can be as simple as the above mentioned country vs city folks.

So now it is time to decide where to 'put down roots' in Colorado (OK we have alot of time but I like to look around and plan ahead). Once again this is made easy and convenient by the fact that my job has me driving around all over the state. We are also talking about buying a house here, not a loaf of bread or gallon of milk. Pretty much once you've chosen a house and community it's pretty permanent (yes you can always move, but Vegas has shown me that selling a home, moving out of the home, finding a new home, buying the new home, then deciding your going to move and start the process a new - SUXORS!) Plus buying a home should not be a lite situation, no just walking down the road going humm that one looks good, done deal. More so these days with home owners associations, covenants, asshole neighborhood wardens and stupid rules in general. I understand why HOA's were formed, I understand a need for 'reasonable rules' and all of that, but it seems that these whack-o's tend to forget a very basic premise. It is my property and my home, I pay the mortgage and am responsible for the up keep blah blah blah. My biggest peev so far without buying a home yet... the yard. Vegas said you know what, we don't have alot of water; so don't plant grass. WOOT! I'm down in that! I freaking hate grass, mow it trim it, take weeds out of it. Give it food and feed it alot of water, what the hell??? I got 3 mouths to feed inside the house, I don't need a few thousand clorofilled, needy mouths as well.

So far when ever I've brought up the topic of Xerascaping the front yard I've been met with the scrunchy face, you know the one that everyone makes when you tell them something they dislike or can not comprehend. So here I am thinking this is pretty much out, so now I start asking about the absolute minimum amount of 'required' grass area I need. 'Don't worry about that, it's included in the cost of the house we'll get that taken care of for you', Is the usual answer. WOAH!
Wait a minute here, not only can I not put in what I want on my property, your telling me that I have to take care of what ever you the builder decide to give me? Wait a minute who's house is this anyway??? So there you go readers, once again without really stopping to understand what we have done to ourselves, we have given away yet another freedom.

Now I know that there are those that would say, just take the lawn and mow it and what not you lazy bastard. While lazy does play a small part in this scenario, it is not the point. The point is this, you as a home buyer are making a commitment (for many a 30 to 50 year long payment commitment)to buy a home that you are going to work to pay off, but in the end it belongs to you. But depending upon where you buy; that payment commitment may never end as HOA's are famous for writing out their little tickets for your homes 'violations'. Non payment of these fines means that the HOA can basically take your house and property away from you. What the fuck is this noise? It's loss of freedom is what it is, one more set of jackholes YOU said could push folks around (maybe not at first but eventually you elect these jackholes), which for you is all fine and well; until it's your turn to get pushed.

I'm all for keeping the streets clean, houses painted or looking 'nice' (aesthetics is totally in the eye of the beholder) and generally not ruining your property value. But now your telling me that a yard I didn't want in the first place is now, not within your code and I could (if left uncorrected)lose the right to live in my house on my property. Who the hell thought up this fucked up bullshit. Who is to say that a few houses out of a whole neighborhood with rocks vs grass would bring down the value of the whole neighborhood?

Who indeed? Why my friend in the end; you've no one to blame but yourself. WHAT? That's idiotic you say, or is it. Remember at the top of this post how I was going on about living around 'Your kind of people'? Ahh has the light come on? Yes you and your kind of people not only form the commities you also make the rules and in the end turn them on one another. How do you like 'your people' now? If you (much like I know I will be)turn out to be the person who stands up and says 'NO' you will become a target of every bullshit little pissy rule they can dig up. You had trash in front of your house, fined. Your bush is 1/2 too tall, fined. You were seen wearing blue on yellow day, fined.

So what is a perspective home buyer to do? You like the house, you like the area but the rules seem a bit out of whack. Sucks to say, but if you want any peace in your life and any form of self respect, just say NO to jackholes who tell you how to live your life and how do handle your personal property.

So in the end today's rant is really more about freedom and how many of us give it away on a daily basis and don't even stop to think about it. Think I'm wrong? Check your week out and take time to think about your actions. Went to the ATM this morning to get some money, were you charged to get your own money out of the bank? Sucker! Why are you paying someone to hold and distribute your money? They should be paying you to let them use it while you are not using it, sometimes known as interest; but are you really getting a good piece of that pie? There goes a small chunk of freedom. Traffic lights now tell you when you can go or have to stop. Sure there is a safety issue involved, but in the end; you've given up just a small piece of freedom. You must pay a landlord or mortgage company for a place to live - basically planting yourself where you can easily be found - more freedom lost. I know that over all we all decide how much crap we are going to take, how much of ourselves we are going to sacrifice; and how much of good old common sense freedom we are going to give away. My point here is to open your eyes to what you may be taking for granted or not thinking about at all. You have a choice, and I found in most cases the easiest choices are the ones that cost the most...in the end.

New Location, New Time Zone, New Job... Same Old Life?

Right well here we are again after a good break to get my collective shite together. OK so I haven't quite gotten my shite together really, but I'm working on it. Knowing that I would have a pretty slow day at my job today I had intended to really do up a good post, well now I'm 30 minutes away from leaving for the day and haven't gotten a damn thing done. So why am I writing this? More or less as a reminder to meself to go back and contact Jenny Lens from the old days of LA Punk, send a few of my long winded and mind torturing stories. But most important, to contact Jenny about the the Def Con One Inc. Archives. Here I thought i was being Mr. Clever in starting the archive oh so many years ago, and now a bunch of the true old timers are waking the fuck up, getting off their aging lazy asses and actually doing something about a scene that in true reality got very little TRUTHFUL documentation. The very long draft that I mentioned a few posts ago is till under way (you try remembering crap you did 20 years ago, drunk or sober alot of crap went down. Alot of circles crossed, alot of circles clashed all in all we were pretty territorial at that time, but I AGAIN digress. Those stories will all be told (OK not all, some are just too stupid, not relevant or can not be recalled with a good measure of accuracy). Anyway my point here is to mark and thank Jenny for reminding me that we all need to be diligent before we are all dead and it all slips away. To many folks have been hiding or hording what needs to get out to the world. Sorry for this side track, and sorry for the delays in posting; should be back on track with my usual unusual in the next few weeks or so.

I Double Dog Dare You!

Right, well it seems that the word has gotten out about my rants, or I just happened to get a random blog troll. Either way I got an email from some asshat who read my musing about my comics. Now don't get me wrong I love web comics, I lose roughly 2 hours a day keeping up with my favorites. But that aside I get an email from this clown who basically has double dog dared me to restart my comic. Nice ploys in this email as well, 'What you afraid your not good enough' and 'I bet your art suxs anyway'. For you my 'friend' I say BLAH! I went through my phase of being a starving artist, saw print before many a web comic even came into existence. Was I the first, hell no! Will I rejoin the ranks of my brothers and sisters who spend countless hours of their day sketching, proofing, inking (sometimes painting) and scanning their works so some asshole can then send them an email complaining that they don't like what was delivered as the final product? Most likely not. Is that because I am scared, maybe I'm not good enough? No in reality you no talent jackhole it takes a crapload of work to put out even what appears to you as a simple 4 panel comic. The actual creation of the comic is just the tip of the ice burg, there is getting a site, paying for it so unappreciative morons can look at (and often steal) your work, completely ignoring the requests for donations to keep the comic going. Often times choosing between eating and buying art supplies. Time lost away from family and friends to try to please those who have nothing better to do than troll web comics and write the artist nasty emails because they don't like something you've done or said. OH YEAH BROTHER where do I sign up!?!

I salute the many web comic artists out there, for everyone of you who have stuck it out and some are looking like they will actually make a living at their art. For the mass amounts of crap and dumb assed questions and nasty emails you must bog through. For the want to entertain a sizable amount of people who actually 'get it' and don't take themselves too seriously. for those who read web comics and are offended by something or taken aback, your biggest problem is this... Somebody made you think and that in itself most likely scares the living shite out of you. Maybe you don't have all the answers and there is another way to look at things in life.

For my first hate mail fan, here is my response to your 'dare', why are you waiting around for me to restart my comic? Why don't you go and start your own? Maybe your scared someone might see what you really think? Maybe that is the problem, maybe you don't think. But in the future before you go off giving folks crap for something you, yourself are not willing to do...
STFU!

For those of you looking for some really good web comics to read I suggest the following titles (easily google searched I can't be bothered to import the links). But BEWARE! Reading one will definitely lead you to reading many, be kind when you have something you feel you must say to these artists (most are on the raw edge of mass homicide as it is) and please please, if you see a request for donations, open up yer wallet ya tight wad and send em a fiver, or better yet buy their art; one day you'll be glad you did.

WTF Comics
Something Positive
Ctrl + Alt + Del
Crap I Drew On My Lunch Break
Penny Arcade

Starting on any one of the above titles will lead you off on your own adventures, I hit about 25 web comics on a regular basis, but I'll let you the reader decide what you like....

I'm gonna stay in bed all day
I'm not gonna hear a word you say
It's gonna be a life of style for me
Electric blankets,pillows,fire,and tv

Chorus :Take a look outside
Those lively arts are on the slide
And culture's just a bore
When you're angry ,young and poor
But if i got my way
Those idle rich would pay
When the discussion starts
On the lively arts
I'm gonna be a lazy slob
Stuff the folks and sod the job
And tell the foreman that i'm ill
And in a week i'll be here still
Yes i will
Repeat chorus

The Damned - Lively Arts
(This ones for you Denis Warden - cheers mate)

Who Watches The Watchers?

(Been a bit busy lately with the up coming move, work and writing an epic piece that will one day see public consumption)

Right, ever notice that folks who are into the same thing can easily spot one another? No matter what your hobby, fetish or general turn on is; you can always spot those of an alike mind. One of my many hobbies is observing the human condition, the stupid shite we as the higher form of life do when we think no one is watching. Those little habits and quirks that just happen to go off at the wrong time, yet many are either oblivious to or believe no one saw. Hehe guess again sucker, I'm looking for you.

Las Vegas is truly the best place to carry this little fetish out, something magical happens when people cross the boarder line into Las Vegas, in short they lose their fucking minds. Where else would you even consider to save up all year to go on holiday to, then once there basically hand your hard earned savings to any of the casinos or chance houses spread all around town? Need to get gas in your car? Why not play the slots while you wait for the line to grow shorter. Live in Vegas? No problem, getting groceries, picking up your child's prescription and have an itch that today is your lucky day, we have you covered with those sweet one armed bandits in the front of the store. Why not feed them your loose change, you might be a wiener, er umm I mean winner.

With all of this silliness going on and the fact that folks lose their mind when they come to town (What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? BOLLOCKS! You get to go home and explain to your wife how you lost the mortgage at the craps table, brought her home a case of the clap and aggravated your liver from drinking far too much)they even forget how to drive. After 7 years in this town I see it for it is, a way to part you from your cash. So if you are one of the handful of wise citizens you do not partake in these activities, you either know better or work in gaming.

Right again I have digressed: So knowing these things, you can surmise that there is little to do in Las Vegas if you don't partake in the sin that Sin City is famous for. Unless you observe what others who do partake actually do when they are here. Saturdays are sort of a tradition with The Missus, Sy and meself going to lunch/dinner out somewhere in town. I don't mind slow service, I'm busy watching. The two sixteen year old bussers too busy clowning for the teen aged girls eating with their parents to do their job. The two waitroids fighting over who's table is who's and bitching that the two bussers are idiots. The ever present life long locals, who have been here in Vegas since it was dirt (OK it still is but that dirt is shrinking)telling their out of town friends what it was like back in the day and how Vegas is ruined now. They would move to Florida but it seems to be ruined too. One of my all time favorites, tourist dad; he thought he was gonna have some gin, sin and someones ex-girl friend. But the wife decided that it would be a fun family vacation, now he's miserable and broke and most likely his wife isn't gonna give it up to him after the kids go to bed because they already have a wagon train full of em. Then there is the idiot family (we all have very unkind names for these folks, but for this writing we will leave it at idiot) The dirty tore up baseball hats, most times shoes that have seen a better day, mismatched colors in the rest of what they are wearing, the massively over weight persons trying to cram 50 pounds of shite into a small sized t-shirt with some really stupid and obnoxious catch phrase written on it. The ones snorting, laughing far too loud at things that aren't really funny. the elders screaming across the restaurant for little Billy to stop doing what ever it is that little Billy's do. These folks tend to get on the nerves of the average diner, for me it's free entertainment. Sure they are truly obnoxious, I tend to find the majority of the human species to be obnoxious (I don't want to hear any shite about being an elitist, racist or separatist either, you know in the back of your mind that you are on the same page) but I also find them entertaining, if ignorance is bliss; then Las Vegas has replaced Disneyland as the happiest place on earth.

So there I am enjoying my little observation game, I like to give the collection of assembled freaks little names so I can do comparisons of their personalities and crown the king freaks for that particular lunch time. But what the hell is this!!!! As I'm scanning the restaurant I happen to spy another observer (from the movie Blue Thunder: J.A.F.O. Just Another Fucking Observer)and he seems to have spotted me. This for me is more than mildly irritating. While most folks enjoy meeting others of their ilk, I see them as invading my observation point, this is where, for me; they become my sport. It truly never fails when two or more observers are in the same space, we become much more covert in what we are watching. Can't have the other JAFO enjoying what I am enjoying, that wouldn't do at all, that story is mine and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will totally smeg it up in the retelling. I tend to fold them in with the other fools I'm watching and picture scenarios of them being blinded by a freak light bulb explosion, accidental fork flip or some such. I know I really shouldn't wish the JAFO ill, most likely they are intelligent and see the world much as I do; but damn it I was observing here first.

I've never taken the time to talk to another JAFO as I am sure that they have little desire to speak with me, which in some ways is a shame. I'm quite certain that if all of the worlds JAFO's got together and swapped strats we all would get much more amusement out of the world. Maybe it is our general disdain for the human animal that keeps us from forming an alliance amongst ourselves, maybe it's the fact that we all seem to be territorial in our observations. Or maybe we fear exposing ourselves for open review. There are exceptions to this rule; George Carlin quite possibly the best observer of our time makes his living sharing his observations with the world. As one can see by watching his act over the years most of us who observe, tend to change our outlook on the human condition, many times (as with all people) our observations are based on the mood we are in, things in our lives that have effected our thought process for good or ill, after all we too are just carbon based life forms like the rest of you; in no way flawless or without err in judgement. No the JAFO's of the world are not perfect, we are just taking great delight in your (or our conceived) short comings.

Back when I was younger they were talking at me
Never listened to a word I said
Always yap yap yapping and complaining at me
Made me think I'd be better of dead
I don't want to talk about it
I don't want to hear no lip
Take your share don't shout about it
That's your lot remember you're a kid
They would always teach me that to swear was a sin
Always speak your mind but not aloud
Think of something that you want to do with your life
Nothing that you like that's not allowed
I've no time to talk about it
All your stupid hopes and dreams
Get your feet back on the ground son
It's exams that count not football teams
(Chorus:)
And I'm running at the edge of their world
They're criticising something they just can't understand
Living on the edge of their town
And I won't be shot down

Taught me to defend myself and to be a man
How to kick someone and run away
Gave me everything that any young man could need
But don't understand why I won't stay
Here's your room and here's your records
Here's your home and here you'll stay
Here's somewhere I don't believe in
Wish someone would take it all away
(Chorus)

At the Edge - Stiff Little Fingers

Half Empty Or Half Full

In less than 8 months my old position at UMC as Lead Tech is once again vacant. Lokovon got himself the hook up at the County, so here's wishing him the best. How are we wishing him the best, by getting drunk how else? As today (May 3rd) is Lokovons last day at the hell known as UMC IS Department and leaving the distorted Lead Tech position we are all raising (quite a few me thinks) a glass to his freedom and better things ahead.

I am quite curious about how he's feeling about the whole gig, I know I was happy as hell when I stepped down, yet also a bit sad at leaving me crew hanging. After awhile you can easily tell yourself that they too have the option to leave (there's only like 3 senior staff left for tech) as well. Yes the competition for 'good' IT jobs in Las Vegas is really really rough, but if they at least start to look around they may find that safety net.

When our old boss (she gets the nick of Barbie, but not in the bad light but in the light that she could really do anything) was at UMC and we were all a tight knit team, things still suxed but Barbie made it totally worth being there. Pineapple Head managed to destroy everything we built in just a matter of a few months, and continues to decimate what is left of the team.

As much as we wanted to have fun and hang out with Barbie after she left, I understand why she didn't want to hang out anymore; she was out of UMC and did not want to hear about it anymore. I'm already there, but since the Missus and Sy are still there I live the life - even though I don't want to. Now with Lokovon and the other techs (Sy not included) all we have is UMC to talk about, we weren't really big time social friends, I went to a few of Lokovon's parties and even went to a flick with him and his crew of friends once. But being the married guy I don't go out too often anymore. So we just don't have alot to talk about. I'm sure we will scoop some old dirt tonight and I'll get filled in on the latest stupidity, but other than Bitsies up coming wedding Mach II; I really don't see the old crew coming together ever again.

Hopefully soon our Vegas house will be sold and I'll be off to Colorado, The Missus keeps saying that we will come back to Vegas on vacation (not if I can help it) but the chances of schedules matching up even if we did come back would be slim. It's funny how work friends and real life friends are so different, on average you spend much more time with work friends then you do with your real life friends, work friends in many cases know more about you than your R/L friends (Sy is an exclusion but I've known him for like 27 years)yet some how work friends are the easiest to walk away from. We then all become a story for our next set of work friends. Your light may change, you may be hero, dog or the most amazing person to ever do X depending on how your work friends viewed you. For me Lokovon will always be Tarts and Vicars parties, getting ripped off in the costume contest, The Freakin Frog (bar we will be drinking in to night) and last but not least the only other person who truly knew the pain of being the lead tech at UMC. Whether he likes it or not, Lokovon and I have a forever bond; the story of lead tech. As years go by both of us will stop bringing it up to new work friends, we will most likely go through a few sets of these. Soon the common bond will be nothing more than a vague memory, but that memory will spark from time to time too.

So here it is, some of the crew haven't received their really bad nick name yet, so I'm listing them out here, I guess so my memory will not fade:

Sy
Lokovon
Bitsie
TRC
Cereal Killer

There were new folks that came in later, and many others who hit the door, the above are/were the Senior crew, the folks who really made the difference at the UMC IS Department.

Cheers Mates!


You know when your sure - that no one gives a crap, - your on the right track - It's a fact
And when you believe, things are good - it's guaranteed - you're up your ass - It's a fact
Morons through the world, and it's shitty place - no one ever asked to be born - It's a fact
You know every time - you think you've got it right, your totally wrong - It's a fact
And when you really try - the efforts misapplied - or there's a catch - It's a fact
So rest assured - in knowing that - what you do - don't matter - Someone can do it - better anyways - It's a fact
When you've got a sure thing, - your sure to fuck it up - It's one thing you can count on every time - It's a fact
What can you do? - Absolutely nothing - don't even try to amount to something - It will never work and Hitler is a jerk, and soon we'll all be dead anyway - It's a fact (you suck)
In five billion years - the sun will explode - It's in the bible - It's a fact
And no one will know - that we were ever here - It's a fact - It's a fact
So rest assured in knowing - that what you do don't matter - Some one can do it better anyway - It's a fact - It's a fact!

It's A Fact - The Vandals

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I toss around most of the day wondering if posting this up would be a good idea. But then once again remembering that this is here to remind me of things I shouldn't be forgetting.

My old employer UMC IS Department: Times are still changing there, and with that more and more of the senior tech staff are leaving. I can't blame them, I left after getting kicked in the chops for my last year and a half there. UMC is the sedo county hospital, which means they get to take on all the problems associated with being a county hospital, yet received about 1/4 of the funding from county. In long and short terms, the hospital is always in trouble financially, understaffed and under equipt. The challenges facing me as the Lead Computer tech were many, but not so burdensome as my Asst. Director and my unit Director.

My ex-Assistant Director in a nut shell is an IT idiot, the man had a heart of gold but lacked any business sense. My ex-Director is the pinacle of your mondo grande asshole bosses. He is a cowardly bully that doesn't have the stones to back up his big mouth and ego. He is the type to question you on your honor and integrity when these are things he lacks himself. Needless to say these are not the type of people you'd be jumping up and down to work for.

Now I have a really sweet gig where I work now, my boss is cool; I only support 85 users and most of them are out of the office the greater part of the time making my job even easier. So the next thing I did (out of caring for the hospital and the team I left behind) was really most likely the stupidest thing I've ever done.

I keep tabs on the goings on at the hospital, The Missus still works there (in a different department) Sy still works there (same department so I get the dirt direct)and of course my old crew always tell me what is up. Lokovon took over my job after I stepped down (I could not deal with the Asst. Director) I came to find out that he had put in his notice and was leaving for greener pastures (good on em) and the other lead for a sub-sect of our department was leaving as well (did my crew a favor, worthless as the day is long). Now there would be no one to act as a shield and leader for my old crew. The Missus urged me to contact my old Director and offer to return to UMC. I wasn't wild about the whole idea, but when my Missus asks me for something I can not tell her no, she asks very little of me; so it was the least I could do.

So I composed an email to my old director:

Asshat, (I put his name here, but as we know everyone gets a nick name here)
Regardless of any personal feelings we may have towards one another I
would like to propose a business deal. You've just lost both of your
leads, my old position was never refilled and one of your techs is
taking 3 months off this will leave you exceptionally short handed and
with out an experienced lead. The following is my proposal at my
wife's request, I don't expect anything to come of it but I
promised her I would at least propose it.
I have a pretty sweet gig here at XXXXXXXXX, so to return to UMC
would mean that a few things would need to be negotiated.
1. Reinstatement as lead computer technician, not new hire. I'm
within the 6-month period so this should not be a challenge. Seniority
in tact, CAL accrual and benefits the same as when I left.
2. Salary: I'd need more than XXXXXXXXX is paying me now to do
a much less stressful and less demanding job, I'll start the bidding
at $XX,XXX (piss if I'm gonna tell you what I'm worth :) )a year. This point is negotiable.
3. Since the Tech Team and Help Desk are being put together as one
flag, I'd need to be able to run them my way. I understand that Pineapple Head (Asst. Director) is a friend of yours (and the main reason I stepped down and then quit in
the first place) but the man does not have a head for running the team
effectively. This would mean no glorified secretary to Pineapple Head, no going to
his meetings doing his paperwork and so on, lead will be run as I wrote
it and will actually do field tech work and assist the techs/help desk
staff. This point is NOT negotiable.
4. Optimally I'd rather report to you directly, again I have no
faith in Pineapple Head, the man has a heart of gold, but his business prowess and
technical knowledge have much to be desired - this point is
negotiable.
5. I need the flexible schedule I have here at XXXXXXXX; I've
enrolled into a few classes (MCSE and MCDST) the workload is a bit
heavy, I'm currently working ten-hour days with Fridays off to study. This point is negotiable.
6. None of this uniforms for the techs non sense, by state law if
Pineapple Head requires uniforms he has to buy them and maintain them, this is a
foolish extra cost to the hospital, it isn't what a tech wears, it's
what they know that is important. Last time I checked no one was
complaining about any techs appearance.
7. I know you do not hold techs in high regard, but they are the
people who keep the ship a float on a daily basis, they fight the fires
and do what no one else wants to do. The techs and myself have always
understood that there's a job to be done all we've ever asked for is
for management to be reasonable and respectful. Witch hunting the techs
over attendance and changes in the CBA (Union Collective Bargaining Agreement), when no other department in the
hospital is doing this; is wrong. I know that attendance has been a
problem and it can be corrected if done properly. I know the title of
Supervisor exists within the ranks at UMC, basically the person who
handles time and attendance issues for a director this could also be
negotiated as part of the job responsibilities.

At this point it makes very little difference to me if you want me to
come back and pick up the pieces or not. My wife and many of my users
miss my presence at the hospital. You know as well as I that I can get
things back on track and work with it all being short staffed. I'm
just putting the offer out there, if it is something you think you would
want to talk about, I'm open to that as well; you and I needed a good
airing out before I left.

Dale Foster
IT Specialist
Las Vegas XXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXX
Las Vegas, NV XXXXX

I thought that the email was well thought out considering the past and looking after me own future. So this is what Asshat sends back to me...

Dale,
I never got past the words pretty sweet gig before I decided to
stop reading and respond. This is why it didn't work between us; your
attitude and the chip on your shoulder are way too big for UMC. Please
have much success in your life and career.

Michael 'Asshat'
Director, UMC Information Services

Now I was gonna be an asshat myself and leave all of his info up, but well he has done quite a good job of messing up his own life, cheating on his wife, stealing from the company and just generally being an all around tool... Karma is now paying him back... in spades.

Anyway, my point being is that when you take time to try to do the right thing for the greater good of the many, it only takes one asshat to throw all of that away. The Missus truly has a heart of gold herself and wanting to see the right thing done. All in all as I write this I find myself relieved that he didn't actually take me up on it. i went through 5 years of hell with that man. Headaches, stomach aches and generally worrying about things all of the time. Stress ridicules time lines and demands that in no way could be met, but yet somehow as a united front me and my crew always came through, never for asshat; but for the greater good of the hospital that provides the needed services to those who go untreated other wise.

Get up in the morning
Alarm clocks clean socks
Brush your teeth look neat
Join the others on the street
Bus ride tube train
Going off to work again
Up to the third floor
Name on the office door
Paper lying on the floor
Pick it up and do some more
Lunch break break down
Valium and alcohol
Nicotine adrenaline
Don t it make your head spin?
Back to the grindstone
Head on the guillotine
Pulling all the stops out
Socks up head down
Doing it good
You re doing it well
Cos you wanna please the boss
But you wish he d go to hell
But the wages in the brown bag
Underneath the name tag
Are keeping you in line
So you do the overtime
And you get the train late again
Surrounded by the same lame
People playing your game
No one even knows your name
Back straight home late
All the food is out of date
Wife has left a note
Saying Don t forget your coat
Quick snap head back
Living on the wrong track
Should've tried refusing
But you could've got the sack
It s getting so confusing
Cos you know you re only losing
But the choice of ever choosing
Never seemed to cross your mind
So you go to bed at ten
Thinking never again
But you get up in the morning
And you get to work on time

'Get To work On Time' - Subhumans (UK)

More Fun In The MMORPG world

Right so now that the world has been introduced to my EQ2 world, the following may not (or just may) seem strange. It's events like this that I started this blog business for as my memory fades with age.

Anyway yesterday (April 23, 2007) a historic event took place, at least for me. From my post a bit back we all know that I joined up with an outfit called Guild Pestilence, then left due to disagreements that weren't going to mend. Sy on the other hand stayed, not feeling that he had been slighted or done wrong, fair enough. Well as predicted the guild died pretty much from lack of interest on the part of those who formed it. Be it (I think) for another game of just general disinterest, it died. Yesterday Sy was given control of the guild by our old guild leader. So what you may say, well then you need to go back and read my intro to this game. Something I thought would never happen, but as I reflect on it more; it seems the logical path.

Why? Basically for the most part, the leadership of the guild was pretty self centered and selfish about how the guild ran. It was treated more as their posession than a collective of people for a common goal. I was chastized and geered for turning my back on it and going elsewhere to find my fun. Funny, they commited the ultimate betrayal, apathy. Without a word they all just walked away and left it to rot, the play toy was now no longer fun. Yet it was 'strong' enough to break friendships over. If you could market that kind of durablity you'd make Bill Gates look poor.

I'm not going to carry on about GP, it's over and done with. Sy got the spoils and good on em, he suffered em all out and got something he wanted in the end, a place to store his stuff...
Wonders aloud, who the joke is really on.

We're living for life to be the way we feel
Not living for life, but the death appeal
Who wants a cancerous boring end
When you can die from misery and following the trend?
I say "who cares anyway? who listens to what I say?"
This song rhymes and we play it in time

And if you wanna live in super market isles
And take your vacation by flying for miles
Take a day off and live in the lies
While others work and capitalize
I say "who cares anyway? who listens to what I say?"
This song rhymes and we play it in time

We're living like cockroaches in this place
Sprayed with insecticide that leaves no trace
And if we could crawl on you at night
You could be sure we'd love to bite
I say "who cares anyway? who listens to what I say? "
This song rhymes and we play it in time

I'm not living life to be...
A really cheap fucker like you, COPOUT!

Living For The Depression - Flipper

What Kind Of People Are They?

THEY! Just who the hell are THEY? THEY say you should do this, THEY say this is the right thing to do. Isn't that what THEY all say? Again just who the hell are THEY? Why do THEY have so damn much to say?

I find this fasinating, 'people' we can't see, but all seem to know somehow; have laid down a set of rules and/or guidelines that we all seem to know and are supposed to follow. If we break one of these rules/guidelines there is always someone who will remind us that THEY say that is a no no. When ever something fails to work correctly, some smart ass MF will (9 times out of 10)say, "Well you know what THEY say." No! You know what I haven't the slightest clue about what THEY say. I don't even know who the hell THEY are! Even if I did why would THEY be so bloody interested in my life to lay down these rules and bits of wisdom? Did THEY form a comittee and go about doing all of those things that THEY say we shouldn't do? Where is the report that THEY obviously filed, listing all of these things THEY believe we should all know? I seem to be lacking in this universal wisdom and would like to sign on for the refresher course, as it appears I missed the inital class and am lacking in those credits to graduate to real world status.

So I checked me list of organizations I belong to and I'll be damned if I can find my THEY membership card. Must have run it through the wash in me other trousers. So I set out in my small office to see if anyone else is a member of THEY (where I work we really really know about being a member of something). So since we are pretty much paid experts at organizations, I just knew that one of the people I work with had to be a member of THEY.
Once again I found myself puzzled at the end of the day, not one single member of THEY, yet everyone knew bits of wisdom that THEY have passed down. THEY obviously have the best communications system ever invented. No other organization on this stupid round planet has been able to distribute their message better than THEY, think about it; you know what THEY say, damn near everyone you communicate with knows what THEY say. I'd like to be the agent or manager of THEY, imagine the commision!

Yes I understand the concept behind THEY, generalization to avoid being comitted to your own opinion is as human as THEY will allow. Indirectly looking at another person and saying, "Haha I told you so". Again we hide behind the veil of THEY to spare someones feelings, not being brave enough in our own convections to use I, me or in many cases we told you that would happen, etc etc... We also do this so the person commiting the faux pas won't think that we (the person quoting THEY) are judging them. We get off scot free, because it wasn't I, me or we telling you that you screwed the pooch; it was THEY!

So I'm still finding this all very fasinating as I see the human condition getting more and more introverted. I'm not a people person myself. People cause complications, want things from you and generally go about keeping you from doing what you want to do until their need is met. Sound selfish? I don't think so, what do you owe these people? Why are you so hell bent to please them? One very good reason, you don't want others to think ill of you, now that is some selfish shite. Your only motivation to speak to or assist another person is that deep down, you don't want them to think you are a horrable person. When was the last time you passed a total stranger and said 'hi', for no other reason than greeting another bi ped on this planet (shouldn't have used bi-ped, some people may be missing a piece or two, but you know what THEY say)?
What is your first instinct when you get on an elevator with other people? Don't make eye contact and what ever you do (unless your speaking for THEY) don't talk to or greet them.
I'm not saying it's right, I'm not saying everyone is like this: THEY wouldn't like that, that's not what this is all about; I'm just trying to sus out who THEY really are.

When you're hungry and your stomach's feeling thin
You find the nearest restaurant and walk right in
Says the waiter with a sigh
You're not dressed without a tie
And you bite your lips to keep the swear words in.
What kind of people are they
What kind of people are they
They've only got their jobs to do
That's why they've got it in for you, you.
Have you ever sat behind a traffic jam
When you'd get there quicker if you walked or ran
When you finally get out, at the front of it no doubt
You'll find a policeman causing chaos with his hand.
What kind of people are they
What kind of people are they
They've only got their jobs to do
That's why they've got it in for you, you .
When you park your car in some deserted street
Give the parking meter sixpences to eat
When the money's been digested
You'll find that you just invested
In the profits of a traffic warden's beat.
-John 'The Ox' Entwistle - R.I.P.

It Never Fails

Back in me teens and 20's I had a dream to become a published and recognized cartoonist. I had even dated a popular cartoonist in the underground scene for almost a year. As time went on I knew I just didn't have the stuff to become a full time cartoonist and still keep eating and what not. I did a bunch of show fliers, ads and some strips; but real life called and those things had to give. I find myself doodling every now and again and even pop a few good ideas, but usually after a day of work, the desire to pull out the art supplies and actually do them is usually gone. It was really during the very short period that I had an actual drawing table set up that I cranked out so descent strips and work. I had been doing the majority of my drawing on a 3 X 2 piece of wood in my lap, as just about any artist can tell you this is really not the way to put out serious work, great for sketching or just dropping down ideas, bad for finished product.

Now drawing a piece in lead pencil or blue non photo pencil (best for animation)is all fine and well, but eventually your gonna want to ink that sucker for either print or just to finish the piece. This is where disaster usually strikes me, again most of the work I turned out was done without the aid of proper tools, ball pint and felt tip pens really have a bad way of screwing up what would have been a pretty good piece.

Right, so after a few failed runs of putting out a comix fanzine (a few actually made it out to the world)once I got to about the 3rd year of really trying to get my collective crap together, again the whole plan had to go to sleep so I could tend to real life.

All but forgotten until about 4 years ago when I ran across 'Something Positive' http://www.somethingpositive.net/

I came late to the series that had been underway it seemed for maybe 2 years prior but luckily all of the strips are archived. I started reading the archive and became instantly hooked. I never really fathomed that other people had a freaky circle of friends too. I guess through our teens and 20's we may all have had them. This is where The Little England Players and Def Con One came from.

Anyway Something Positive made me want to start up my comix again, the problem as I see it is the similarity of theme between Something Positive and my series 'It Never Fails'. While S.P. deals with life as a chain of events, I.N.F. is really just me and what I think is messed up in life.

So I started to research what it would take to launch I.N.F. on line, went back to my back catalog and figured out I had maybe 6 months (if I posted once a week)worth of stuff. now any good comix strip artist has 2 things before they launch. At least a years worth of product, and the discipline to keep creating to stay at least a few months ahead in case of a real life problem. Many on line artists aren't doing this, may are cranking out material the night before they post. For me I just can't do that, I've never been one for creation on demand; I have to feel like doing not, not having to do it.

I'm pretty sure that is why this medium (Blogging)has been good for me, I can spew my garbage and oddly enough there are people A. reading it and B. Encouraging me to spew more.

We all need an out let I guess, for me I've always really loved a well drawn comix and imitation is always the best form of flattery (so 'THEY' say). I'm sure I will always keep on drawing when the mood hits me, I will always have the secret dream of being recognized for my works. Hopefully, if nothing else; maybe someone will walk away with something that made them think about things.

(If this works you should see a copy of pretty much the last I.N.F. that I drew, a ton of sketches and ideas are there, just no ambition to get em done)

Step Right Up Folks! Anarchy For Sale!

Punk Rock, true Punk Rock had a 10 year run from 1974 to roughly about 1984, at least that is the opinion of many of us from the very old school. There were many who claimed Punk was dead, many more who said punks not dead. In my eyes, it died a long time ago and we like it that way.

But alas there are those who will not allow a dead horse to just lay dead. I have alot of respect for Offspring as a band, they are witty, cleaver and alot of fun live; what they are not is a Punk band. Green Day, pifft don't even get me started, pretend angst and rage while they have to hire on people to count the cash, definitely not a Punk band, never have been; never will be.
But these kids today will tell you that they are punk and that examples from above are their generations punk bands.

The race is still on: From my point of view you have the following vying for the longest running Punk Band (while line ups have changed, it still counts)The Damned (Godfathers of Punk), D.O.A. (Canada - Coined the Phrase 'Hardcore') and The Dickies. Sex Pistols don't count (even though they can reform, they just haven't put in the time). Ramones, folks 3 of the founding members dead, they are out of the race. These last 3 long time survivors are favorites of mine, so I wish them all the best. But if you can, listen to the music they make and compar it to todays 'Punk' (I'm OK with Alternative for these younger upstarts). While certain elements are there in todays sound, they lack the real reason to be angry.

So on to me point, I spent alot of years either running from or getting the crap beat outta me for being a punk. We didn't have "Crap Topic" to buy our look from, alot of it was D.I.Y., Sure at least from my side of the world we had Poseur in Hollywood for some of the 'fashion' that made the scene, but it was places like Zed, Poohba's, Vinyl Fetish and a few other record stores that would bring us the t-shirts as well as the music. T-shirts back then were smoking cool, first cut screens (yes some one actually hand screen printed it) and original ideas. "Crap Topic" I think got like 500th generation screens and most likely the worst looking shirts I've ever seen. I pass by this pit of shite in the mall to see kids buying up my culture and my movement with out the slightest idea of what it took to live it and build it.

The best example I have of this is one day Sy and I were up in Hollywood trolling for music on Melrose, now Melrose had pretty much died and the trendy crap moved in, but there were a few good shops left. Anyway we liked to park in the middle and hoof it to the shops, now I admit to being a beer drinker; I love the stuff! So yes I have a bit of a belly as a result (36 inch waist, 38 inch belly, so see not so bad). Anyway this kid of no more than 16 years old in his best punk rock regalia and his matching uniform twin walk over to me look me up and down and says, 'A Ramones T-Shirt with a beer gut, two old things that go together.' This was in 1997 I do believe, so meaning this little pile of punk rock coolness was born in about 1980, 1981. So I look him up and down and say, Humm 16 year old wanna be punk wearing a Germs shirt, they broke up before you were even born. So the argument ensues, oh you think your so hardcore; he says. easy for me I said, no not really; but at least I've seen The Germs.

Many scenes wish, hope and pray to catch on and be successful. Many bands dream of being an oober rock star and make all kinds of cash (Green Day - fucking poseurs). Many bands deserved to see something other than pay my rent, put gas in the van and maybe beer money. Many bands came back together to get their hands on these kids money, good fucking show! I say keep a coming guys, get what you didn't get back in the day. In our scene, the real punk scene, no body really wanted it to grow, it was way more cool before every asswipe jock decided he was a punk and got the football player mohawk and went to shows looking for fights and to wreck everything they saw. These assholes are the ones that usually got bands banned from certain places or brought the cops down around everyones ears. The very early scene went pretty much unnoticed for quite sometime, why not a bunch of selfish assholes.


But sorry assed excuses like Avril Lavigne? NOT PUNK, oh she's gritty and doesn't sing nice songs like the other girls, so fucking what, your a teenager and your cranky at the world because you didn't get a Wii system for Christmas. Blow me!

Straightline Thinking

OK by now we've all figured out that I have a less than common view of many things in life, we also know that music drives my life. The following song has always really summed alot of it for me...

We are all controlled by reinforcement of rules
Passed by those who are merely the tools of a system
Where achievement is based on deceit of the masses
By someone in whom they believe
We are all controlled by the straight-line thinking of straight-line thinkers
Who gave up drinking and smoking to avoid being lower
Than their aspirations would allow them to go
We are all controlled by fear of the unknown
Because we re not told all that there is to know
About things we consider as normal existence
So we accept exploitation and show no resistance
We are all controlled in our thoughts and our actions
By things we were told by past generations
Of parents who used to rebel just the same as we do now so who gets the blame?
We are the rebels like the rebels before us
Pre-destined to scream in an out of tune chorus of voices repeating the words of the past
That diffuse in the process of ageing too fast
Deep in the soul, if there is one; it tells you what to do
As you feel, not as someone outside you, dictates through their own misguided conception
Of what part you must play in this game of deception.
Straightline Thinking - Subhumans (U.K.)

Life the Universe and MMORPG's

For those not in the know a MMORPG is a Massive/Multiplayer/Online/Role/Playing/Game, my current habit is a game known to those who play as EQ2 a.k.a EverCrack II, but marketed and licenced by S.O.E. as EverQuest II.

I was standing at the door the day EQ2 went live, we had to stand for quite sometime as the servers kept going down. Sy and I would call each other to see if the other had gotten in. Which in hind site was really stupid, mainly because we live like 2 blocks away from one another; and secondly because I'm pretty sure S.O.E. isn't blacking out certain reagions from game play access (Crap I problably just gave them an idea - forget it I never said anything about reagion blocking). The last side note tells you how this is going to go, and what a hold S.O.E. has on many a player in many of the games they offer.

Anyway we finally get into game character creation is done, I pick an Assassin who is going to make weapons for his crafting skill, it just sounds so cool. Sy actually picks an Assassin as well (Sy has classicly been a Ranger from EQ1)which some how in S.O.E.'s twisted mind an Assassin is an evil version of a Ranger (Yeah I know that's what I said too). So there we are ready to take on the world, we join up with Printer Lord and a gaggle of his friends and form a guild - The Order. Hence forth Printer Lord gets a name upgrade to his toons name of Lokovon. Right so there we all are trying to figure out how to play, commands, controls and what not. Sy and I had EQ1 behind us so we had a bit easier go of it. I'm pretty sure that Sy and I were going about getting to know the game as The Order was already falling apart. In short roughly 4 months into game, The Order was pretty much dead. My guild jinx (started in EQ1 where I went through 3 guilds in less than a year - no fault of me own really- sometimes guilds just die) was returning.

I managed to do pretty well for meself as a solo, Sy wasn't playing as much as I was and to this day still plays less hours yet somehow always gets the better lewts (bastage). So I'm in a zone area; which has become one of my favorites since, when I happen upon a group of players in a guild called Guild Pestilence (Pestilence had already been taken thus the guild name Guild Pestilence - Yeah yeah get over it). there was Kouric the Troubador guild leader, his brother Rone the Guardian(officer and loud mouth), Gemful the Wizard(officer and one of the nicest people I've met since Sy), Tryvad the Necromancer (officer and another really good guy) and Koram the Inquisitor (Officer), So there I was carelessly going about my business and laying waste. The five of them invite me to group, and I think it was the fact that I was pure nuts testing the limits of the mobs that they took a shine me. We spent a good 4 hours in this zone from front to back, finished every quest and took on everything in our path. Just as we were about to wrap it up for the night Gemful shoots me a tell, I noticed your not in a guild (The Order was still in exsistance but no one other than Sy and meself were logging in - but I had already dropped my tag). I told him the very abbreviated story of The Order, thanked everyone for a kickin group and went about me way.

The next day I run into Gemful and we group up and do pretty well, again Gemful makes mention of the fact that I'm not in a guild. I tell him I'm shopping a few, but they need to take in Sy as well, he says oh, and we part ways. Next night it's Sy and I we run into Gemful, Kouric, Koram and Prosopis. They invite us to group and I tell Sy that they are really cool and we lay waste to yet another zone. Sy and I end up grouping with the guys from Pestilence for like 6 nights in a row. Finally Gemful comes out and says, Why don't you guys join Pestilence (meaning Sy and meself) Sy wasn't on so I figured what the hell. A week later we talk Sy into joining.

My first 5 months with Pestilence was a total blast, wouldn't trade em for the world. Rone and I disagreed about a few small matters but I didn't find out what a total asshole he was until the fateful day I was promoted to officer. I replaced Gemful who had decided to move on to a different on line game (who's name I won't utter, but if you play it your a total suxor noob). One of my first ideas as an officer was to suggest that we check out guilds smaller than ours and absorb them into ours, instant membership increase and you usually end up retaining a few. Like I said guilds fall apart, it just happens; most of the time it happens because of the greatest most foul, evil and fucked up thing that happens to every single guild no matter how tight you all are... DRAMA. Someone or many someones always have to be the center of attention, they have to have things their way no matter what the cost to the guild as a whole, these selfish fucks are commonly known as (Rone) Drama Queens.

We picked up the remains of quite a few small guilds, but the 2 that stick out the most are PAX (who were our sworn enemies at the time - remember this line Pestilence when we get to Crimson Corsairs)and MES. Intro Pam and Oljed from MES (there were others but we'll get to them later)and Lindar from PAX. I took a shine to Pam right away, we bothed did a hellasious amount of crafting so we would see each other in the tradeskill area. Oljed never really said much (OK as far as I know he didn't say anything while with Pestilence, but would drop everything and come out to help when called)Pam was really great about this too. Lindar always found something really fun to do, but had a bad habit of preferancing everything with "When I was in my old guild PAX, we would..." Please remember still that PAX was the one guild we hated more than any other shit bag, ninja lewting, kill stealing guild on our server (There is a reason why I keep mentioning this). So I am pretty much handling everything that comes my way as an officer, disputes, name calling and out and out fights. I established myself as the crafting officer, this is where things started to go bad for me. Little did I know that conflict was brewing amoungst our newest members. Rone wanted Lindar kicked out because he wouldn't stop with the whole 'When I was in PAX' thing; Here comes Trylon to straighten it all out. Pam was our lucky one with plenty of time to do things that really needed doing but all the rest of us were too damn lazy or busy to do. But it would seem that some kind of tension was brewing between Pam and our guild leaders wife Eeana. I'd talk to Pam, I'd talk to Eeana, then Kouric, Rone, Tryvad and Koram. Somehow always having to be the voice of reason and the peace keeper.

As crafting officer I was losing my ass, I was in charge of making everything the guild needed (I have a crapload of alts that do different crafting jobs)for free. So not only was I seeing every coin I made getting turned into other peoples gear, I was also getting left behind on leveling, mostly because it had turned into a full time job, crafting and keeping the peace. I only got groups if Pam or Jed would ask for me to come along or I started to complain that I had no more coin to craft the needed items. I started to resent this fact alot. Anyway Pam continued to be a dynamo, really getting the guild shaped up nicely, getting groups for folks and getting alot of old quests and what not done for folks, getting the guild hall squared away and crafting a truck load of goodies for it. I made the suggestion numerious times that Pam be promoted to officer, unknown to me there were more hassles going on in the very far back ground that I was not made aware of. I'm sure it was because I would have sided with the wrong side, because in this case the wrong side was completely right, someone elses green eyed monster was driving the dispute. Mind you during this time, every officer other than myself had wanted to boot Lindar, the PAX thing was getting quite annoying I took him aside and we straightened it out, by me saying if you mention PAX again, I'll boot ya meself. I'm a very tolerant person, so I think he knew it was serious, anyway he thanked me and told me what a great friend I was for helping him out and keeping him from getting booted.

OK to try to shorten this down I spent 2 years time with the folks in Pestilence who were my 'friends'. In the end Pam left for another guild Crimson Corsairs (who became the new PAX, the most hated of enemies of Pestilence). Alot of folks came and went, but when the majority of folks from MES went to Crimson, that was my fault. Not that it really was; by the time I found out what was really going on it was too late, I saw alot of good friends leave the guild. There was no one left to blame the guilds failings on, no one but me. Everything weither I had anything to do with it or not was my fault. I stopped doing the guilds crafting, I wasn't advancing like the others and always broke (I had to borrow coin from guildies quite often to pay the stinking 5sp rent on my selling room). I wasn't having fun anymore and decided that if I'm going to sweat for a guild I may as well have it be my own. I announced to the officers that I was taking a bit of a holiday from Pestilence to consentrate on rebuilding The Order, I'd leave Trylon but move all my other alts out (I still had some in The Order all of this time). This caused the Trylon/Durfea wars, in short we had been busting butt trying to level our guild, but instrest was dropping off, I think Ripclaw had quit playing for like the zillionth time (just kidding Rip, but it's damn close). We were to go on a guild city raid, I wasn't feeling well that day, but was on harvesting to get my alts rolling. I didn't go to the raid, that failed miserably (happens alot) and suddenly it was my fault, I was on line but could be bothered to help out my guild and guildies (so sayth the Durfea), we got into a bitter fight in the officers forums. Durfea called for my immediate demotion if not being booted from the guild all together. Mind you Durfea always ran off and hid when ever there was a real problem that needed solving in guild, but was the first to demand asinine changes in the guild or guild members to 'solve' the problem he had no part in. That was the last straw, I logged to our forums and told the membership that I was leaving guild, very nicely no name calling or mentioning of anyone's name, the standard your really pissed at these folks but have class enough not to air the dirty laundry good bye. Then I logged into game and removed all my toons, effectively quitting Pestilence for good.

Now I've never considered myself a 'great' player, there are so many others who make me look like an amature; this is fine with me. I never considered myself 'sought after' Pestilence let me believe that no one wanted an Assassin after the nerf bat turned us into a total support only class (You can't solo and backstab everything S.O.E. get a clue). I was out of Pestilence for roughly 30 minutes, I had put all of my toons in The Order and was going to make a go of it alone. But then the tells started, both good and bad. On the bad side was Rone and Lindar telling me what a tratorious shit I was for abandoning the guild (look in the mirror you jack asses)telling me that I am sick and need help (over a fucking game mind you - who's really the sick one here?)Rone thinks he's so fucking cleaver, trying to play mind games on me, tell you what Junior anytime you want to really challenge the master, you let me know; until then STFU! On the good side I was getting offers from different guilds who actually wanted Trylon
I talked with a few folks and considered my options. I had been talking with Rinn (from Crimson)for quite a few days before I left GP. Rones constant tells where becoming a bit annoying but so outragiously stupid that I just couldn't put him on ignore.

So after about an hour of looking over the guilds that were sending me offers, then looking at how many folks I knew that were already in CC, I put in an application. The rest is more or less history up to this point. I'm in game and having fun again, I'm in a guild with folks who genuinely (seem) to enjoy the fact that I am there, do not make demands of me in anyway and are appreciative if I craft something for them or help out with a quest, it feels really good to play with people that you've never met face to face (with the exception of The Order I've never actually met in person any of my guildies)who think of the group or guild as a whole first and are truely genuine when you have something good happen in congratulating that person.

So what is the point? I play my on line game to have fun, I should have chucked it all in when I stopped having fun. There are some really selfish fucks in the world, don't let them convince you that they are your 'friend' they will sell you out for a sack of beans. Hypocrites like Lindar are everywhere, they tell you that you are a bad guy for leaving the guild on honest terms, then they totally abandon the guild for another game, tell you they can not be your friend after you helped them not only stay in guild but get promoted. Bitter? Not so much anymore, I learned many lessons from game. The best thing I have learned... It's just a game, if things get to a point of no longer being fun... Walk away, you owe no one anything; least of all... an explination.


Ever live a life that's real...Full of zest, but no appeal
Ever want to cry so much You want to die
Ever feel that you've been had Had so much that you turn mad
Ever been depressed that those you turn to, you bring distress
Ever sit in tormenting silence That turns so loud, you start to scream
Ever take control of a dream And play all the parts and set all the scenes
Ever do nothing and gain nothing from it
Ever feel stupid and then know that you really are
Ever think you're smart and then find out you aren't
Ever play the fool and then find out that you're worse
Ever look at a flower and hate it
Ever see a couple kissing and get sickened by it
Ever wish the human race didn't exist And then realize you're one too
Well, have you ... ever .. I have So What
-Ever by Flipper

No Matter Where You Go, There You Are

Ever met these people..? They have eyes, yet do not see. They have ears that hear, yet do not listen. Many believe these types of people are all around us. The person who callously cuts in Que ahead of you, that switch lanes constantly; because you are on their road and slowing them down. You know these people? What if it is you?

I've found in my time living in Las Vegas magical things have happened to me as a person. Did you know that The Missus and I are invisible, ha! you say that's impossible... But it is true. You see The Missus and I usually like to be aware of other people around us, but once in awhile we forget that we are indeed invisible people. Case in point, the last time we went to the mall (Shopping Maul as I like to call it)We exited the parking lot and headed for the doors, where consumer delights awaited us, many other people had the same idea it appears. I once again out of habit, opened the door so a couple who tied us in the race for the door could enter. Then The Missus entered, 6 and 1/2 minutes later I caught up with The Missus waiting inside. Why was this you ask, because I became invisible while holding the door open so no one would be rudely smacked in the face with a closing door. I estimate that at least 25 people went through this opened door, no one bothered to say 'Thank You', why? I told you I'm invisible!

My hand reached out for my wife's as we began our shopping excursion, I really shouldn't have done that because she became invisible too. We walked maybe 20 feet when it began in ernest, people bumping into us that we didn't manage to avoid, like a sycophant stereo system; The Missus and I say 'Excuse Me' or 'Pardon Me'. These expressions come from a really obscure and rare language called Manners. Manners are taught and reinforced in those with the ability (or curse) of becoming invisible. Too bad more people can not be exposed to this wondrous program, I think the classes were canceled right after the common sense class went over budget and closed down for good.

I'm not saying that The Missus and I are any better than any other talking monkey on this planet. I'm not saying that those who choose to walk into an open door and not say thank you or at least hello, or carelessly bump into someone because it would be a choir to 'share' the walk way by diverting their path by oh say six inches are any less better than anyone else. They are obviously very busy people and we the door holders and path blockers need to be just a bit more aware of their importance. We do really try to avoid these people collisions, I'm quite sure that walk twice the distance in trying to avoid others and make our destination then the very important people.

I don't mind the important people that much anymore, with the common sense and manners classes up and gave it all a miss, I understand that these classes are not available to those who have eyes, yet can not see.

A Little Humanity Goes A Very Long Way

So 20 pizzas show up at work. not unusual here; we get food brought to us all the time. But I was the only one who knew why. I explained the story of the homeless gent and the pizza to my workmates. All of the 'big' bosses didn't turn up today, so the staff start opening purses and pulling out wallets and they tell the pizza delivery guy to go and fetch 20 more.

We hauled the table out and made a racket of it, everyone glaired into the heartless cunts office.
she was there and saw everyone from our office, yet had no idea what we were up to, but I'm sure she had the 'I'm not gonna like this feeling'.

The pizza guy came back with another 20 pizzas and we set everything out. A few of us went and rounded up some of the indigent folks around the area and brought them over. I'm not one known to be emotional, again I'm not a crusader and all of this started as a get back at this woman prank. But in the end we fed some folks who may not have gotten a meal today, nor tomorrow.

I'm not a religious person either (again trying hard to stay away from this topic), but it just hit me, today is Good Friday. We did something really good today, I feel a bit of smuck for doing it at first as just a prank, but feel better for what really came out of it. Hungry people (that's right they are people, just because they have problems or don't have a home doesn't make them any less)got a meal.

Thank you to all of me workmates! You folks are totally teh boomba!

Parents

I consider meself fortunate in many ways, I did not have the whole parent/child relationship as I grew up. My Dad and Mom (here forth known as Phoenix and ConLady)were not the role models of my life. Phoenix was killed in Vietnam 1967, just a scant few days after me second birthday. ConLady was never really forth coming with alot of information about Phoenix, in the end he left me 3 things. A photograph of him holding me a tad after me first birthday, a customized 1965 Harley (he bought in honor of my birth) and an insane con artist of a mother to look after. All in all I love Phoenix, I've created alot of wonderful scenarios in my head about all the really cool shite we would have done.

ConLady on the other hand has been the bane of my existence since I was about 7, when she pretty much dumped me with an unreliable Uncle (hence to be known as Boozer)and went off to scam her next meal ticket. Sounds mean, right? She's yer Mum your saying, not all families are happy. Con Lady got her name because that was her life, while not a full on circuiting grifter, she knew the game. She taught me alot of that game when we tentatively reunited 6 or 7 years later, I unwittingly played the roper in her latest con (OK, I realize that many of you may not know alot of the terminology associated with con games; there is a reason for that citizen and I'm not about to fill you in.)the end result was coolness, for awhile. ConLady had roped herself a new meal ticket (we will call him Trapdoor). Trapdoor was a monster influence on my life, in the end I hated that I disappointed him. Trapdoor was roughly 17 years younger than ConLady and roughly 15 years older than meself. It wasn't like having a step-dad, it was like having an older brother. Trapdoor was a huge Little Feat and The Who fan, he truly gave me my love for music. We would hang out in the garage where he would mess around with CB radios, slot cars. go carts, mini bikes and skateboards. I took a real shine to skateboarding, it was alot of fun and I got pretty good at it, even did a few contests, never won crap; but seeing Trapdoors face when I rode was awesome.

Trapdoor introduced me to different music styles which I totally dug on, having started life in Europe I got into the newly formed punk scene in 1976. I wasn't as involved in it as I am now, but it did lead to my disappointing Trapdoor. One night we were in the garage listening to radio station KMET (Los Angeles radio station that played the now 'classic rock' - it became a new age station and I'm still convinced the basis for the movie Airheads). Anyway on this night there was to be an interview with Pete Townshed of The Who, now a big fan too Trapdoor and I locked ConLady out of the garage so we could hear every word. The interview was the usual stuff, Pete was playing some of his favorite tunes, then the topic changed to Punk Rock, Pete it turns out was/is a major advocate of new music and The Who in the end often got referred to as the godfathers of Punk. Pete put on the Sex Pistols 'Submission', Trapdoor looked at me in horror as I knew the lyrics to the song. PUNK! He screamed at me, mind you in 3 years of knowing him Trapdoor only yelled at me 3 times, this was the first. I tried to explain to him what punk was about, took him to my room and showed him the 'Never Mind The Bollocks' Album as well as Damned Damned Damned, by The Damned (My favorite, they walk on the water band of all time), he borrowed the albums to give them a fair shot; I never saw those copies again.

Trapdoor was figuring out ConLadys gig and it made him bitter and angry (who can blame him) now his step-son is a punk rocker! Trapdoor and I spent less time together, he would make mean remarks about me being a punk. Being a good punk, it was time to turn up the heat then. I started hanging out with a group (OK there were like 4) punks at the highschool I was sentenced to. Sunny Hills Highschool in Fullerton, California. Trapdoor busted his ass getting me in as we lived out of the district. But is was where he graduated from and a school populated by the well to do's children. Us being a poor family, meant I did not fit in. Angry, young, poor and punk; a bad combination for this rich kids school.

This is also where I met Sy, we had health class together. I lucked out most teachers wanted nothing to do with me (He's bright, intelligent even, but very angry and lazy)[Genius has it's price you knob ends]so I usually got away with, if you turn up and don't cause a fuss we'll pass you. So I would turn up in health class with my backpack, tape player inside; lay my head so I could hear it and breeze through the class. Sy eventually migrated from his usual seat, to the one next to me. One day before class, my tape player going, Sy comes over to me and asks me the name of the song and the band that is playing. "Agent Orange, Bloodstains" I tell him. I'm pretty damn sure this is the only time Sy and I ever talked to each other at my short stay at Funny Pills Lowschool. I was a walking time bomb, I was angry at the world.

Why? I was born in Germany, East Berlin to be precise, at the time the Soviets were not real keen on wasting money to educate the gutter trash German kids (a.k.a. poor kids) I picked up gutter trash German and Soviet as languages. Picked up English by watching television (we couldn't get one but our neighbor did). Anyway trials tribulations I end up in California, sounding very German. I got teased alot, being called a Nazi has always pissed me off. Whole lot of other crap fills in here, so by the time I met Sy, I was hiding my heritage and telling everyone I was English (seems Americans have forgiven the Brits [whom they also defeated]but Germans are still fair game). Nazi indeed, I wasn't even born yet ASSHOLES! Stop blaming my people as a whole for the crimes of another asshole who wasn't even German.

So that lead us on, things at home were rapidly falling apart, many nights I wouldn't even go home. I started bumping Conlady for cash, stealing food and what not and me new talent...hustling pool. But for the most part I was heading to Hollywood damn near every night, The Masque, Starwood, The Vex, Stardust and of course Oki Dogs. I was turning up less and less at school, when I did disaster usually followed. The funny part behind all of this, is I'd forge absence excuses (some in drunken hazes I may have repeated, I'm pretty damn sure I lost like 6 grandmothers in my time at Sunny Hills)but the really nice lady at the attendance window always took em and never said a word. Later I was to find out that this woman was Sy's mom.
"I knew those notes were fake." She said to me one day, I hadn't made the connection that she was Attendance Lady. I didn't hook back up with Sy for about 4 years after I got the boot from SHHS. Oddly enough I was hanging out with his older brother, again unaware that Sy was the guy who asked me about Agent Orange in health class. I'd often ask his brother (hence forth known as Droogie) why he didn't ask his brother to come along to the gigs and general nonsense we got up to, I remember a few lame excuses, but never really questioned them.

Sy is without a doubt (up til I met and married The Missus)the only person on this planet to have any kind of real faith in me. I got up to alot of shite growing up. Nothing major mind you, but as I go along with this blog some of the things would really make anyone say, "That's just Fucked Up". I'm the first to admit that alot of what I did was fucked up, I conned, hustled, stole and generally lied my way through life. But when your a young kid trying to survive, all bets are off.

We destroy the family [x4] Steal the money from your mother,Buy a gun! We destroy the family! [x2]Kill you mother And father! We destroy the family [repeated to end].

When Your Angry, Young and Poor (In this case hungry)

This happened to me yesterday and I really wanted a record of it so I can remember that there are heartless, selfish fucks in the world.

Lunch time: I was having a Sid moment and decided I wanted a pizza for lunch, I had been thinking about this pizza since like 9:30 a.m. I usually do not go to lunch until later in the day, helps pass my work time and I usually only eat once a day.

Anyway I drive up the street to Brand X pizza (they don't pay me, so no free plugs) which has a deal on a large pizza for $5.00! Bloody hell I'm for that, even if it sux you only dropped a fiver on it. Now as many will note I live in Las Vegas, Nevada at the moment, it gets rather hot here; but it is Spring time so the weather is still pretty nice. So with this in mind I decide to eat my pizza in the car so I can listen to music while I dine.

OK I knew there was no way I was going to eat a whole large pizza, maybe back in me youth, but not these days. Anyway our offices are located in a financially limited neighborhood (it's where the truly poor live, happy now?) While I'm eating I notice there is an obviously homeless man wandering about the parking lot. Now I'm not a crusader by any means, but there is one thing in this life I know very very well, what it feels like to be hungry. Not just I'm feeling a bit peckish think I'll have a lunch, but truly I don't have any food; haven't had any food in awhile hungry.

I had eaten a fair portion of the pizza (about 1/2) so I decide instead of wasting perfectly good food, I would offer the rest of my lunch to the poor gent who was obviously hungry. In Vegas, the wise also carry extra bottles of water, my Jeep has a center column cooler that keeps drinks at a cool level no matter the heat outside, so I take one out and with the pizza in hand offer it up to the gent, who was very appreciative of the repast and drink. I wished him well and started to walk back to me building to return to work, feeling that I had done the right thing.

It appears I didn't according to the next person entering the story. A lady from another office in our building had pulled in while I was giving this gent the pizza and water; there she sat in her new BMW, Jesus air freshener hanging from her rear view and a cross around her neck. She rolls down the window and starts shouting at me. "What are you doing! If you give them food they will keep coming back!" I'm blown away, it's not often that one can catch me off guard like that, I stood next to her car mouth a gap, in stunned silence. She continued to ramble on about how it took the property managers years to drive the homeless out of the parking lot (we have a kick ass parking lot, nice breezes and lots of shade). Now mind you the company I work for owns and manages the building, my boss and I are the ones everyone comes to with these matters.

So I explain to her that I know what it is to be hungry and I was just giving a hungry person some food. "But he's homeless!" she is almost screaming at me. Now I'm in total smart ass mode, because frankly she is pissing me off. So I retort, "Yes it appears so, which would mean he really doesn't have a place to keep food." Now I love the dense, it takes them forever to figure out that your one of those people who enjoys taking the piss out of other people.

Mind you the gent who received the pizza has already buggered off, I think he may have had a run in with this 'person' (Yeah I had about 100 different names in mind, but I haven't reached that point with her yet) before. So I'm listening to this person go on and on about how homeless people steal and relieve themselves in the plants and generally hang about making people nervous. How they are all mentally ill because they would rather live outside instead of getting a job and becoming useful (I'm so fucking tired of that word - useful). That tripped my last trigger, this cunt (I really hate using that word against any female, but she earned it in spades) sitting in her BMW, engine running so she could run the A/C wasting gas and polluting the air, with her Jesus hanging from the rear view and cross around her neck (I won't get into religion here if I can help it, you believe what you believe I believe what I believe; let's leave it at that)griefing me over giving a hungry person some food.

Those who know me know very well I (usually) can not pass up a chance to really go off on anyone. The folks I currently work for take a really dim view of this type of activity and she is obviously a tenant of our building, so I'm not allowed to go off and still keep me job. There were a myriad of things I wanted to say to her, "Nice Christian attitude, only feed hungry people if they have a place to live?" "Your right, Jesus would want him to starve to death, I bet that is his plan; right?" But instead I politely excused myself and assured her that I would not continue to feed the homeless in our parking lot.

I go back to my desk, not telling anyone what just happened; I just started this job and didn't want to get sacked. But I have a really bad habit of not being able to let things sit, I start to formulate a plan. I put on my I'm in deep thought about about producing my useful thing face and the gears start to turn. Now the tenants of our building must come to our department when they want something done. It's an old building so alot of things tend to go wrong. Low and behold, here comes miss complaint, "The A/C in my office is broken" My boss looks up and and starts listening to her story, I poke my head up over my monitor and grin, I don't believe a more evil grin has ever covered my visage. "No problem I say, let's go and have a look." It didn't register with her right away, but soon she realized who I was. Silence ensued as we walked down to her office. An easy fix, usually on needs to turn on the A/C unit to get it to work. But I notice that her office faces out to the sidewalk on the public street. Our parking lot sort of got reconfigured to make way for a bus inlet, so an old part of a parking overhang serves as an extended shade spot for the bus passengers, which is right outside her window.

Today, Friday! WOOT! I can't complain about me job really, it's very easy and filled to the brim with down time. Our president knows this, so has graciously granted us a paid half day. So on top of casual Friday with absolutely nothing to do; I have already put me plan into action. I called the pizza joint as soon as the opened and put in an order for 20 pies, I picked up 2 cases of water and a case of cola, found a very nice long table in the storeroom, today my hungry friends, homeless or not... Lunch is on me... Right outside this cunts window, on the public sidewalk. Stop by for a slice if your so inclined.

Let the country feed ya, let the country feed ya, let the country feed you. Animal - Anti Nowhere League.